icy poles & superglue
by rachael-cullen222
Summary: what would happen if you gave a vampire head after it rain's? well, bella is about to find out... one-shot xoxo


**Chapter 1 – Sticky Situations**

**BPOV**

The rain was poring down in a torrent outside Edwards's house. I stood at the doorstep with an angry huff, crossing my arms and tapping my foot. Edward chuckled beside me and put his hand on my arm. "I'll carry you love" he suggested and I looked at him like he was crazy. He didn't give me time to respond, yanking me up in his arms and running vampire speed to my truck. I was in the seat and door shut within half a second. I just smiled at how I didn't get pelted with rain when I noticed Edwards's strange expression – discomfort?

I looked down to avoid his eyes and noticed he had sat in a puddle of water. I must have left my window down, I couldn't help but laugh at him and he growled before starting my car and starting to drive. The whole way to my house was quiet, we didn't utter a word. I was thinking about what I really wanted for my birthday this year. He's been bombarding me with questions about where I wanted to go or what are the top 5 things I wanted at the moment. Silly boy, he doesn't know what's going to hit him.

We arrived at my house and he parked on the curb and the rain had stopped so he hoped out of his seat and opened my door for me. I took his hand and we walked into my house. Hmmm that's weird, Charlie's normally home by now. I walked into the kitchen and noticed a note on the fridge. _Doing a late shift at work, see you when I get home. _I sighed and walked over to the living room couch where Edward was already sitting. He wrapped his arms around me and I turned to face him. I measured his expression for a little while and he looked relatively happy, even though his pants were wet. Maybe I should remind him…nah, it'll add to my argument, he needs to change his pants anyways.

"Edwardddd?" I asked in a honey-sweet tone. "Yes Belllllla" he answered back. I just giggled at his girly tone before continuing. "Well, I kind of know what I want for my birthday, and I was wondering if you could let me have it early" He looked excited and nodded. "Please, please, please let me help your little Eddie and you don't even have to touch me if you want" He looked confused and dumbfounded. Haha, can't wait till her gets what I mean. Just as I thought that his brain clicked and I saw his eyes brighten in excitement, but his mouth frowned.

"Bella, you know why w…" he started to say and I just shook my head no and started to straddle him. "Bella…" he tried again and I just sighed and ignored him. I started to kiss him roughly and passionately and I'm pretty sure if he had objected to this in the first place he wouldn't be in a sec. I lifted off his shirt and to my surprise he let me. I ran my hands across his chest and he groaned. I laughed a little and started kiss my way down his neck, and stomach. I reached his hips and he started growling and hissing. That was the weirdest combination of sounds I had ever heard.

I made quick work of his belt and pants, so now all that he had left on were his boxers. Yes! I thought in triumph. "You don't have to, if you don't want to" Edward said, obviously only half meaning to "Just shut up Edward" I sighed and he looked taken back for a sec before I pulled down his boxers. Woweeeee – goshness – sweet Jesus – motherfucking – snicker doodles – it was HUGE. How am I going to fit it in my mouth? I was breathing heavily when I stuck my hand out tentatively and stroked it. He again made that weird hissy, growly noise and I noticed that it was still wet from the puddle.

I leaned in and tasted it. Wowsee it's cold, but very sweet. I licked, sucked and stroked his dick until he came in my mouth. Oh shit, I was about to swallow but the cum swirled in my mouth at an odd angle, it stuck to his dick, effectively sticking me with it. It's like sticking you're tongue on ice. This can't be happening – FUCK! "Bella? You can let go now" I just shook my head and tried to pull off, effectively showing him that I was stuck fast. "HOLY SHIT BALLS" he exclaimed and seriously I was wondering if this was so bad. I mean, I'm on his dick, and well it's unlimited food supply, you just have to suck like a bottle. Oh yea, dehydration – well that's a total bummer.

Just as Edward was about to talk someone knocked on the door. I looked up at Edward and he whispered "I'll take us to the bedroom". He just stood up and I was on my knees in front of him. How am I going to walk like this? "Bella? It's Jacob, where are you?" Oh no, the door handle started to move and I started to panic. "Hold on" was all Edward said before sticking his hands behind and underneath his legs to grab my legs. I hung like a pig on a fire and Edward did the best he could running up the stairs, holding my legs behind him. I was laughing at the sheer stupidity of this state. Now all we need is something hot.

"I heard someone in there Bella, and I'm coming in now" Jacob said and I could hear him open the door just before Edward walked into my room and sat on the bed, I had to kneel again. We heard Jacob coming up the stairs and wow, he just walked into my room without even knocking. "Bella…oh…ugh…well…I'll just" he said but just stood there staring. What an asshole. "Bella come on, let go, that's rude" Jacob whined and Edward and I shot him death glares. "She's stuck dog" Edward seethed and Jacob chortled before walking over.

"Lucky I have heating gel in my pocket for my sore muscles, I'll just have to get it around you're mouth" Jacob was saying. "I'll do it" Edward said and Jacob just shook his head "No, you're to cold, it won't work if we put it on your hands, plus mine are already warm so it'll have extra effect" "Now all I have to do is touch that…ewwww" Jacob was whining as he lathered up his hands in heating gel and put them near my mouth, wrapping them around Edwards dick. He was making a face you would make if someone dared you to eat 5 day old dog shit with moss.

I could have easily done it, but Jacobs's hands are warmer then mine so whatever it's worth a try. Just as Jacob was going to move his hands closer to my lips he stopped. "What?" Edward asked and Jacob made a scared face. "My hands won't move, check what the tube says" Edward reached into Jacobs back pocket and pulled out the tube reading "Easy apply, dries in 3 seconds – super fast SUPERGLUE". Edward's and Jacob's faces were of identical horror. Wow shitsicles, now we were both stuck on Edward's dick. Could this get any worse – not to mention Jake has no shirt one – suspicious one might say.

"We have to go to Carlisle" Edward finally sighed and I cringed as I imagined rocking up to his house like this. Well at least I wasn't the naked one. "Whaa…no" Jacob said, obviously imagining the same thing as me but to him it's much worse, he'll never live this down with the pack and the vampires house is off his territory. Edward didn't care what Jacob had to say, he just stood up, and grabbed my legs behind him like before. Though this time Jacob was attached to the other side. We made it down the stairs and out to the car. I was mentally cursing Edward for parking out on the street.

Luckily no one was outside. It took us about 17 tries to get in the car, trying different angles of approach and that. Well, if this wasn't me in this situation, this would be a camera moment. Finally we got in the car, Edward in the driver's seat, Jacob on the passengers and me on the floor at Edward's feet. "Ok, Bella you need to push the pedals with your feet while I steer" Edward commanded and I nodded making his moan. Jacob laughed again and Edward hit him n the head. Jacob just glared at Edward.

Suddenly we heard a car pull into my driveway and I saw their heads snap up to look at who it was. Edward and Jacob cleared their throats and looked down at me. "It's Charlie" Jacob announced and I just breathed out of my nose, seeing as my swallowing reflex wasn't working. Maybe it's to do with Edward's dick being down my throat – well I sure as hell don't care – but my jaw is getting a little sore. I heard three raps on the window and Edward rolled it down a little.

"Jacob? Edward? What are you doing and where's Bella?" Charlie asked, luckily he hadn't stepped forward too much or looked down cause he would get answers the hard way. "Vacuuming the car" Jacob answered quickly and Edward had no choice but to agree. "Oh…ok, so where's Bella" he asked, obviously by his tone of voice he sounded weirded out. I'm sure they both looked naked from where he was standing, and Jacob leaning towards Edward wouldn't look that good either.

"Ahhh… she's at school – she decided to stay after school for a couple of hours and tutor others" Edward covered. Charlie just commented about me being a good kid and saying goodbye to the boys before walking away. "That was weird" Jacob summed up before they got back to the task of driving. Oh yea, I forgot, Edward's clothes are on the floor in the lounge room – haha it's gonna get interesting when I get home.

"Ok, accelerate" Edward said and I stuck the tops of my feet on the pedals, and pushed down on the accelerate – except it wasn't the accelerate and I remembered they would seem the other way around now. Fan - fucking – tastic. We ran straight into a trash can, haha suck it trashy. At least we didn't wake up the homeless person who lived in there – maybe he's dead? I was contemplating checking tonight when Edward's voice cracked through my thoughts. "The other one Bella" he said and I pressed down lightly

and we shuffled forward. I couldn't control the pedals properly and we jack hammered the car the whole way to Edward's.

We pulled or should I say jerked into the Cullen's drive way to find Alice standing there. She bounded over the window and laughed comically. "This is funnier in real life" she said while peering through the window Edward had opened slightly for Charlie. Alice helped us inside and the looks on Carlisle's and Esme's face were priceless. Edward and Jacob sat on the couch, while I kneeled on the ground – again – my knees were starting to hurt. Rose, Emmett, and Jasper heard Alice's non stop laughter and came down to inspect. Now they were all having laughing fits on the ground.

3 hours later – after tones of steam, warm water, (real) heating gel and slimy substances we were free. Jacob left straight away without saying anything except the comment "God, I hope they don't tell the boys I was stuck to his dick – what was I thinking in the first place? – oh right I wasn't" My lips and jaw were so sore and Edward's dick didn't look sore at all, must be because he's a vampire. Edward went upstairs to get dressed then came back down and cuddled with me on the couch.

I decided I needed to clarify something and so I spoke for the first time in hours – "I will never give you head after it rains, ever again" I whispered and to my dismay, I forgot everyone could hear. Everyone including Edward burst into laughter, and I joined, this was by far the stupidest situation I have ever been in. The laughter of Edward and I stopped abruptly when Alice pulled out a video camera and said "Ok, let's see what happened shall we" before walking over the TV and plugged it in. Jeebies – will the torture never end?


End file.
